Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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