I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
