I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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