the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
