The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
even my farts smell like vagina
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
