Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
