Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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