I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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