I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
