Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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