Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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