maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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