I want you more than these girls want KFC
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
