I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
