new low.... made out with someone while peeing
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
