pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
