Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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