i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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