Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
