garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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