What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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