Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
