I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
