cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
