Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Fuck appropriateness.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
