My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
