ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
