i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
