You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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