she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
