hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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