if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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