The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
