saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
