Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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