I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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