im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
