I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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