So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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