Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
