You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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