Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just high enough for therapy.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
