the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
