why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
