Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
