I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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