pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You can't just leave with hair like that
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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