I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
