u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
