FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
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