fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
