life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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