My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
