i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
