and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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