I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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